A Testimony
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We all have a testimony.
Some are loud and dramatic.
Others are quiet, slow, and woven through years of pain, fear, and unanswered questions.
A testimony is not only something we give to God.
It is also something we give to fellow believers.
And sometimes, it is the answer to someone who asks, “Why do you believe in Jesus so much?”
I once heard an older woman say something that stayed with me:
“It is better to believe and be wrong, than not to believe and be wrong.”
At the time, I did not fully understand what she meant.
Now I do.
Faith Before I Understood It:
I was called a Christian from a very young age, mostly because I was born in a so-called Christian country. Going to church on Sundays was simply what people did. It was not really a choice. It was a routine.
I do not remember much from those early years, but I remember one moment clearly.
One Sunday, a Sunday school teacher said to us children,
“Remember, Jesus always comes when you call on Him. You may not be able to see Him, but He always comes. And He always sends help.”
That sentence planted something deep inside me.
As a child, whenever I was afraid, I would call on Jesus. And something would happen. The fear would leave, and I would become bold. Calm. Strong. I never questioned it. I never analyzed it. It was just true.
Looking back now, I can see that Jesus was already teaching me to trust Him long before I understood who He really was.
A Childhood Marked by Separation:
My teenage years were difficult. Like many teenagers, I did everything my mother told me not to do. But our relationship was already broken long before that.
My mother was young, and life was hard. In the country where I grew up, it was common for children to be passed from family to family, from friends to friends, or to anyone who could take them in. I was left with many people for long periods of time. To a child, that feels endless.
Most of them were cruel, but very few were loving.
There was one woman who was kind to me. She was the only person I remember as truly gentle in those years. But her mother did not like me.
When her daughter was away, the mother would refuse to give me food. She would hit me. One day, when I was starving, I took some food. When she found out, she threw me out of the house.
I had nowhere to go. I sat on the steps outside as night came. There were no streetlights. I curled up in the darkness, trying to sleep.
Then something happened.
A neighbor suddenly came out and said, “Come in. You can sleep with us.”
That night, I woke up to the sound of someone trying to get into the house. I saw flashlight beams through the window. I crawled into the room where the family was sleeping and warned them. The man gathered everyone together to protect us.
I slept peacefully, knowing that someone’s father was watching over us.
The next morning, we discovered that thieves had stolen all the parts from the man’s car. It had been a robbery.
I did not understand it then.
But now I know.
Jesus came, even when I did not remember calling.
And He sent help.
There were other moments like this.
Once, I stood by a river, wondering whether I should cross. I had never crossed it alone before. Growing up, adults would carry me across on their shoulders, and I remembered the water reaching their waist. I did not know how deep it would be for me or whether there were snakes.
Out of nowhere, a man appeared beside a tree. He had not been there when I arrived. He asked if I needed help. I said no, because that was what we were taught to say when strangers spoke to us.
The next thing I knew, I was on the other side of the river without knowing how I got there.
I was not wet. The man was gone. He was not behind me, and not ahead of me.
When I reached home, people asked how I had crossed the river. I said, “Of course a man helped me.”
Another time, during hunting season, I was playing near a lake. A man appeared beside a large deer, called me by my name, and said, “Go home.” I ran. Not long after, the hunters came with the dead deer. I cried, believing it was my fault, because the deer had been standing across the lake looking at me.
Only later did I understand.
I was being protected.
When Jesus Made Himself Known:
Years later, after many struggles, Jesus came to me in a way I could no longer ignore.
I was in my room late at night. I heard a sound, like something heavy landing. Then soft footsteps. I was asleep, but it felt like i was awake. A glowing figure came close. It was Jesus, wearing a golden robe that moved in patterns I cannot fully describe. He touched my head.
I was terrified.
I cried out, “Jesus, please do not leave me.”
What followed was not fear, but a deep inner knowing:
“I will always be here.”
For about six months before this, strange things had already been happening. I would talk to Jesus privately. Then I would go to church, and the pastor or someone else would speak words that answered exactly what I had said to Jesus alone.
I told no one.
I thought it was coincidence. Or something strange. Or even wrong.
I tried to avoid church, but something inside me would not let me rest. An inner voice would say, “Just go. You do not need to do anything. Just listen.”
I did not know how to pray like others. I was the “Amen” person. But at home, I spoke to Jesus like He was listening. I always felt He was, even if I did not yet fully know it.
I tried to remember Scripture, but the words would disappear from my memory. I felt stupid. Broken. Like something was wrong with me.
One day, scrolling on Instagram, I came across a verse:
“According to your faith let it be done to you.”
Matthew 9:29
It stopped me completely.
I understood something important. God meets us at the level of our faith. What we believe determines what we receive. That verse became the only one I could remember, and it was enough.
Fear, Darkness, and the Battle for Peace:
Looking back, I can see that this was the season when both my outer world and inner world grew heavy.
There were things happening around me that were painful, but what began happening within me felt even more unsettling, because I had no language for it at the time.
I started waking in the middle of the night, suddenly and without warning. The room would be dark, yet it felt occupied. I would see shadows moving where nothing should move. And sometimes, I heard voices. Not clear enough to fully understand, but clear enough to terrify me.
I remember lying there frozen, hearing them speak as if I were being observed.
“Can she see us?” they would ask one another.
Fear gripped me in a way I had never known before. I truly thought I was losing my mind.
Some nights I would wake with an anger so intense it frightened me. Not ordinary anger, but something deeper. Something darker. It felt explosive, like if I released it, destruction would follow. There were moments it felt as if I could call judgment down on anyone who had hurt me.
And the voices would come again, feeding the rage.
“Just tell us what you want us to do to that person.” We will do the rest.”
Looking back now, I understand how dangerous that place was. But at the time, I felt trapped between fear and fury.
I did not tell anyone. I was terrified of what they would think. Terrified they would say I was unstable, or worse, that they would lock me away.
So I carried it alone. Silent on the outside. Fighting storms on the inside.
And yet, even in that darkness, there was a boundary that was never crossed.
Because whether I fully understood it then or not, Jesus had already called me His own. And something in me, even at my lowest, refused to surrender to the voices that fed hatred, revenge, and destruction.
I was being shaken, but not abandoned. Surrounded by fear, but still held.
And though I could not see it clearly at the time, that season would later reveal just how close God remains, even when the night feels most crowded.
I now understand that not every spiritual experience comes from God, and discernment is learned over time.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit had already taken up residence within me, always drawing me into prayer.
Every time I did, peace came. Deep, powerful peace
What I knew then was simple. The name of Jesus always brought peace.
“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”
Proverbs 18:10
Learning About the Holy Spirit:
I heard a pastor on Instagram say, “Many people go to church, but they do not know the Holy Spirit.”
I was shocked.
The Father.
The Son.
And the Holy Spirit.
I searched. I learned. And suddenly, everything Changed.
I began waking up filled with overwhelming love. Love so intense it almost felt physical. Some days it lasted all day. Other days it came later, like a gift arriving at the right moment.
It was joy.
It was peace.
It was life.
“The love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 5:5
It was during these moments that the battle became clearer.
There were times when the enemy would whispered lies into my thoughts, trying to hold me captive,
reminding me of every hurt, every wound,
of all the injustice done to me,
and even of the things I myself regretted.
He came to accuse, to shame, and to reopen old pain.
“For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night…”
Revelation 12:10
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”
John 10:10
But it was in those very moments that the Holy Spirit would come.
Quietly. Faithfully. Full of truth.
He did not come with condemnation, but with clarity.
He would remind me that even the people who had hurt me were still God’s creation. That they too were made with purpose. That they too were formed by His hands, carrying a story I could not fully see.
And as that truth settled in, He would begin to bring memories back to my heart.
Memories I had forgotten. Moments I had overlooked.
All the times help had come when I did not even see it.
All the moments when danger had been close, yet I was protected.
All the times strangers had appeared with food, shelter, or simple kindness exactly when I needed it most.
It was as if He was gently rewriting the narrative inside me.
Where pain tried to harden my heart, He softened it.
Where anger tried to blind me, He restored perspective.
Where betrayal tried to define my story, He reminded me of God’s faithfulness woven through it all.
And slowly, I began to see that even in seasons marked by hurt, I had never been without covering.
Never without provision.
Never without the quiet presence of our Lord Jesus walking beside me, even when I could not recognize Him at the time.
A Father Who Loves to Give:
One of the Scriptures that now means so much to me is this:
“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him.”
Matthew 7:11
I love that God chose to be known to us as a Father.
So often, our human minds limit God. We think He will be upset if we ask for good things. We think He will withhold, or that we are asking for too much.
But Jesus teaches us the opposite.
God is not reluctant.
He is generous.
We are invited to come humbly before Him, not in fear, but in trust.
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16
To come boldly does not mean arrogantly. It means coming honestly, like a child who knows their Father loves them. It means asking, trusting, and resting in His goodness.
When Jesus Prayed to the Father:
Many people ask, “If Jesus is God, why did He pray to God?”
The answer is simple and beautiful.
Everything Jesus did, He did to teach us.
In the garden, facing suffering, He prayed,
“Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done.”
Matthew 26:39
This is how we are meant to pray in hardship. Not denying pain, but surrendering to trust.
Nothing happens outside of God’s will.
What I Know Now:
There were times when I prayed, fasted, and read Scripture, and nothing changed. I cried until there were no tears left. I thought Jesus had left me.
But now I understand.
Sometimes God allows us to relive memories, face patterns, fight battles, and confront strongholds until we learn what He is teaching us. When the lesson is learned, the cycle does not repeat. The Holy Spirit simply reminds us when similar situations arise.
When you replace
“Why is this happening to me?”
with
“What is God trying to show me?”
everything changes.
Even the things we fear, including principalities and unseen powers, are not greater than God. Yet many people fear them more than they fear God. Scripture reminds us that all things, seen and unseen, were created by Him and are under His authority.
Nothing exists outside His knowledge.
Nothing is stronger than His love.
Walking Closely With God:
Walking closely with God means reading Scripture, listening to the Holy Spirit, and inviting Him into everyday life.
God sometimes tests us, just as He tested Abraham. But He always gives understanding first. Abraham knew God’s promise before the test came.
If you walk closely with God, you learn to trust His character.
My Testimony:
I believe in Jesus because He came when I called.
He protected me when I was a child.
He gave me peace when I thought I was losing my mind.
He revealed Himself when I was afraid.
He taught me through pain.
And He never left.
“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Matthew 28:20
This is my testimony.
And it is still being written.
Written with a grateful heart,
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